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Old Blevins

We had a little quarrel, she and I 
She told me just to curl up and die 
I crept out to drown my sorrows,
at a joint called No Tomorrows 
Where the old man came and looked me in the…

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Teenage Immigrant Welfare Mothers on Drugs

It's been five years since we had a raise in pay
And they disallowed my business lunches today
Somebody must have changed the rules of the game
So we've found a convenient scapegoat we can blame

It's those teenage immigrant…

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Stupid Texas Song

Texas is a big state, North to South and East to West 
Alaska doesn't really count, we're bigger than the rest 
You can waltz across it, though, so grab your yellow rose 
And sing another song of Texas--this is how…

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Shallow End of the Gene Pool

My Daddy was a man of letters
My Mama was a head of state 
And when they got their chromosomes together 
They gave me all of their recessive traits 
I'm an embarrassment to evolution 
My disposition is unstable and cruel…

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Hey Little Minivan

On Deadman's Curve I used to shut 'em down, 
I had the hottest muscle car in my hometown 
I could burn rubber in all four gears, 
But I haven't done that in a million years
Hey, little minivan, we're goin'…

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Strange Noises in the Dark

We broke up long ago, but time is not passing for me
You live in Apartment 3A; I exist in Apartment 3B
Whiskey helps me get through I guess I've had quite a few
And now I'm awakening to 
Strange…

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80 Hillbillies in a Haunted House

Here we go, down the road, uh-huh 
Eighty hillbillies in Tennessee went drivin' on highway 23. 
They took a turn and they headed west, why they did that, anyone's guess
There were 87 of 'em when they started out, but…

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Forty Years Old and I'm livin' in my Mom's Garage

She used to be the one who held me closest to her heart
We were like one person, but we've drifted far apart
Now when I need her most, she will not support me
And if I won't go quietly,…